kids

babies are on my mind. many of my friends are still in the middle of their baby-making phase of life. i see babies and pregnant people everywhere!

i love babies.

i love bringing babies home from the hospital.

i love the first 3 months with a newborn! (seriously, its my favorite; running on adrenaline and getting to know a whole new person...)

i love the idea of being pregnant. the idea that a little person is being made inside of me.

but...

i have only had 2 successful pregnancies. i've only brought 2 babies home. my chances of bringing home another one is 30%.

i don't know if i'm going to have more kids. i am not in a place spiritually to hand my worries over to God if i were to get pregnant right now.

i know that if i were to become pregnant God would give me all the strength and peace i lack in order to have a blessed and happy pregnancy no matter the outcome. my fear and doubt has no effect on the situation. if God puts the desire in me and my husband's hearts to try for another baby i would try.

however, right now i am surrounded by kids i love who are being parented by people who love them. i am happy to be an aunt equivalent to those kiddos!

i really feel like my place right now is one of support. to support my kids, husband, friends, and my friends kids.

so, we'll see what happens. i am quite content with my life at this moment (Praise God for that!)