new day, new dream

this process, of putting the house on the market and potentially moving our family 9 hours north, has resulted in a few changes around our house.
firstly, i packed up most of our technology. all that's left is the computer, the Wii, & one TV. so this lady, who used to watch 4-6 hours of tv a day, now watches none.

now my husband and i spend every evening talking and reading. (right now he's reading "Quitter" by John Acuff and i'm reading "48 Days to the Work You Love" by Dan Miller.)

the past week of talking has sparked a dream in my heart.

hubs and i have always talked about him staying home to focus full time on his art, like he did before we had kids. with our youngest rapidly approaching school age it seems to be getting close to that time!
there are a few things that need to be accomplished before i can be comfortable with that actually happening.
they are:

1. all of our debt (just student loans remain) must be paid off.
2. we need to have the entire family covered by health insurance.
3. we need to be able to meet all of our financial obligations & our personal financial goals                    (retirement, etc.) without his income.
4. he needs to be creating & selling what he makes so that the art funds the art.

suddenly all of these things seem possible, *if*

*if* our house sells,
*if* i find a preschool i like for the little one,
*if* i find a full time job that pays 2x the minimum wage,
*if* hubs finds a para job,
*if* we find a live-able house for $30,000 or less to fix up while we live in it,
& *if* we can get a loan for such a tiny amount of money

then we move to minnesota,
then i start work and hubs watches the kids until the school year starts,
then we put his entire paycheck towards our debt & knock them out in 12 months,
then we pay off the house in 2 years,
.... then we purchase a house for around $70,000 and turn the paid off house into a rental.

i know that is a lot of ifs, but the whole scenario puts such a fire in my belly that i want to jump up and down!

none of these things will be possible without God's direct involvement. He will be the reason our house sells or doesn't. He will be the reason we get jobs or don't. our hard work and perseverance is a result of our relationships with Him and the maturity we have developed as a result.

nothing good that has happened to us thus far has come from us, and nothing good that will happen in the future will come from us. ALL OF IT IS A GIFT FROM GOD.

the hubs found this on pinterest the other day and i feel like it perfectly exemplifies where we are in our marriage and in our life right now.

(i don't know who created this image but i found it at http://beautysoflife.wordpress.com/)

i just want to leap out into the unknown and do things that i am proud of. i want my kids to see their parents follow God, work, create, and laugh together. i want my kids to chase their dreams and do the work it takes to call themselves a Disciple of Christ. i feel like this phase of my life is bursting with possibilities and i thank God for that hope.

to work or not to work. that is the question.

as usual, his focus is on our family's financial well-being. and as usual, my focus is on quality of life.

the reality is that paraprofessionals provide vital student support at half the pay of a teacher. a person could make the same amount of money by working at target. (but it wouldn't be as rewarding & it wouldn't be benefiting a child)

so we are back to the same discussion we fall into about every 3 years. why don't i go back to work?

the truth is that i am working. i care for other people's children while being in charge of and responsible for every single thing that needs to be done around the house (with the exception of mowing & trimming the yard). that means groceries, cooking, laundry, cleaning, bill paying, trash, recycling, child care, home maintenance, & keeping up with the spreadsheets and paperwork required to be a legitimate daycare provider.

this is the agreement we came to when i was about to give birth to our youngest. this is the small cost of being home with my kids as much as possible.

it is well known in our household that my earning power greatly exceeds my husband's. i have skills that he neither possesses, nor wishes to learn.

do not misunderstand me - my husband is a gifted educator, and a hard worker. i have never met anyone else with his capacity to relate to others, bring out their best, and meet the goals set out in the student's IEP (and his employers feel the same).

so, we have made the decision to live on what a para makes in order for our children to be with their parents only until school. but every so often our financial situation blurs that goal.

the trouble is that our december baby doesn't meet the requirements for kindergarten for another school year.

so begins the discussion, "i saw a job that would be perfect for you."
          "But what would we do with the little one?"
          "i don't know, but it pays $32,000 a year! we'd figure something out."
          "why can't i just keep doing what i'm doing up there?"
          "i could stay home with her."
          "if you stay home with her, you would have to take over doing everything i do now, because i'm not going to work all day and come home to do all of this stuff, too."

and round and round we go. off and on for weeks at a time. division of labor is a tough thing to work out. i'm so glad we are at least getting better at the discussion (it used to be an argument, but now we can talk it through).

this time around i have negotiated a 6 week time frame, from when the house sells, for me to find a nannying job before i have to accept a higher paying full time job. if i take the full time job, he will take over the household responsibilities. he is not thrilled about taking care of sick kiddos and everything else, but he likes the idea of making more than we make now from a single income.

it will be interesting to see how all of this pans out, assuming that the house sells.

i always wonder how other families work out the division of labor or decide whether to go to work or not, but i'm afraid that if i ask the discussion will become "stay-at-home vs. working mom" and that is a lose/lose conversation.