to work or not to work. that is the question.

as usual, his focus is on our family's financial well-being. and as usual, my focus is on quality of life.

the reality is that paraprofessionals provide vital student support at half the pay of a teacher. a person could make the same amount of money by working at target. (but it wouldn't be as rewarding & it wouldn't be benefiting a child)

so we are back to the same discussion we fall into about every 3 years. why don't i go back to work?

the truth is that i am working. i care for other people's children while being in charge of and responsible for every single thing that needs to be done around the house (with the exception of mowing & trimming the yard). that means groceries, cooking, laundry, cleaning, bill paying, trash, recycling, child care, home maintenance, & keeping up with the spreadsheets and paperwork required to be a legitimate daycare provider.

this is the agreement we came to when i was about to give birth to our youngest. this is the small cost of being home with my kids as much as possible.

it is well known in our household that my earning power greatly exceeds my husband's. i have skills that he neither possesses, nor wishes to learn.

do not misunderstand me - my husband is a gifted educator, and a hard worker. i have never met anyone else with his capacity to relate to others, bring out their best, and meet the goals set out in the student's IEP (and his employers feel the same).

so, we have made the decision to live on what a para makes in order for our children to be with their parents only until school. but every so often our financial situation blurs that goal.

the trouble is that our december baby doesn't meet the requirements for kindergarten for another school year.

so begins the discussion, "i saw a job that would be perfect for you."
          "But what would we do with the little one?"
          "i don't know, but it pays $32,000 a year! we'd figure something out."
          "why can't i just keep doing what i'm doing up there?"
          "i could stay home with her."
          "if you stay home with her, you would have to take over doing everything i do now, because i'm not going to work all day and come home to do all of this stuff, too."

and round and round we go. off and on for weeks at a time. division of labor is a tough thing to work out. i'm so glad we are at least getting better at the discussion (it used to be an argument, but now we can talk it through).

this time around i have negotiated a 6 week time frame, from when the house sells, for me to find a nannying job before i have to accept a higher paying full time job. if i take the full time job, he will take over the household responsibilities. he is not thrilled about taking care of sick kiddos and everything else, but he likes the idea of making more than we make now from a single income.

it will be interesting to see how all of this pans out, assuming that the house sells.

i always wonder how other families work out the division of labor or decide whether to go to work or not, but i'm afraid that if i ask the discussion will become "stay-at-home vs. working mom" and that is a lose/lose conversation.