struggle

i'm struggling right now. i don't know who to talk to about it. i don't want to burden my husband with an emotional situation he can't fix or help.

i'm in limbo and limbo feels a lot like rejection.

i know i'm weird and more than many people like to deal with regularly. i used to have friends that made time for me. friends that included me. now people tell me, that i'm "cool,"or fun, or interesting; that they love to hang out with me, but then no one wants to hang out. i see photos and foursquare check-ins on facebook, so i know they are hanging out with each other. i know they're not that busy.

maybe its because we're trying to move. people are letting us fade away instead of ripping off the band-aid when we actually sell the house.

maybe its because most of my friends are from our old church. maybe they've moved on and i'm missing the social cues.

whatever it is, lately i have been overcompensating. talking too much, trying too hard to be witty or funny.

its not working.

i'm totally content when i'm out in the yard or out for a walk with the kids. i tell myself that i don't need anyone to hang out with, but (honestly) i want people to make the time. of course my best friend still makes time for me, but she's moving in a month and i'm a little scared to be without her. we only get to see each other once a week at the most, but just knowing that she wants to hang out with me means a lot.

this stuff is no big deal, but i can't seem to see the great things happening with this plank in my eye. i just feel bored and out of sorts and whiny.

so many wonderful things are going on in my life, and i don't want to be grumpy because i can feel it stunt my spiritual life.
i need to re-center. i need to dive into the Word and not come up for air.

now, to actually make myself open The Book...